Oh Tithing

Dear Jesus,

Today I tithed $5.   It didn’t feel like it was enough.  Actually, I don’t know anymore.  I have tithed 10% of my gross income.  I ended up overdrawing my account.  But when I tithe less I always feel like it is never enough.  I feel like I am scraping the peanut butter from around the inside of the jar and painting a smearing of it onto a piece of bread.  “Here Jesus, this is for you.”, while I spend the rest.

Its not like I spend it on stuff I desire.  I usually pay it towards my bills and other needs.  I may spend about $20-30 a paycheck on myself.  I know I am bad with money and I certainly have not been a good steward.  You know that already.  I just don’t understand what I should be doing or how I should be tithing.  I want to be a reverse tither someday but I do not know if I will ever get there.  I don’t always feel like my tithe is blessed.

I have heard stories of people begin tithing 10% almost reluctantly or out of desperation.  And within weeks they are blessed.  I try it and I overdraw my account and my finances are in worse shape than they were before.  Am I doing something wrong or am is my attitude wrong or am I just a pathetic loser hoping to hit the heavenly lottery?  Am I tithing hoping to get the jackpot that others received?  The thing is I want to tithe and I feel wrong if I don’t tithe.  All I want is to feel that my tithe has been accepted, like the old widow in Luke who put into the Temple coffers more than she could afford.

Jesus, I want tithe in a scriptural way.  I want to give to you what is already yours.  Please allow me to feel like it is enough, because I almost never do.



Leave a Reply