Today I tithed $5. It didn’t feel like it was enough. Actually, I don’t know anymore. I have tithed 10% of my gross income. I ended up overdrawing my account. But when I tithe less I always feel like it is never enough. I feel like I am scraping the peanut butter from around the inside of the jar and painting a smearing of it onto a piece of bread. “Here Jesus, this is for you.”, while I spend the rest.
Its not like I spend it on stuff I desire. I usually pay it towards my bills and other needs. I may spend about $20-30 a paycheck on myself. I know I am bad with money and I certainly have not been a good steward. You know that already. I just don’t understand what I should be doing or how I should be tithing. I want to be a reverse tither someday but I do not know if I will ever get there. I don’t always feel like my tithe is blessed.
I have heard stories of people begin tithing 10% almost reluctantly or out of desperation. And within weeks they are blessed. I try it and I overdraw my account and my finances are in worse shape than they were before. Am I doing something wrong or am is my attitude wrong or am I just a pathetic loser hoping to hit the heavenly lottery? Am I tithing hoping to get the jackpot that others received? The thing is I want to tithe and I feel wrong if I don’t tithe. All I want is to feel that my tithe has been accepted, like the old widow in Luke who put into the Temple coffers more than she could afford.
Jesus, I want tithe in a scriptural way. I want to give to you what is already yours. Please allow me to feel like it is enough, because I almost never do.