I am at my place of employment. I am having a difficult time really relating to people. What I mean is that I don’t feel the need or desire to be apart of their conversations. I don’t feel like I covet relationships with non-Christians or envy the shallow companionship they share. I don’t want to become a part of their life. Sometimes I feel like I am watching them through a window or television, I’m there but I’m not.
I also feel that way about my job duties. I work in the banking industry, sort of. More like the banking information industry. We have set deadlines and penalties for not meeting deadlines for information that in the end is just that, information. We spend so much time and energy racing to receive information and to send information. It feels empty, like I’m chasing my tail.
I am having difficulty being in this world but not so much as not being a part of this world. I don’t want to appear to be distant but I can’t help but to want to distance myself from the world. I want to be a witness for the gospel but I also want to contend for the faith and defend the faith. I want to expose those who would enter into the sheep pen to steal some sheep, and deceive the elect if they could.
I’m not sure how my perspective shifted. If it needs to be corrected please correct it.