I think I must be missing something in general. I guess I don’t understand what it means to be changed by my salvation. I guess I don’t understand what the proper way to behave, speak, act or be in my non-church life. I mean, I have heard people dropping f-bombs and using off-color talk, in a joking manner, and these are leaders in the church. I really don’t know what to think because I am not sure how I can reckon it with what I know.
It leaves me wondering how is the Spirit changing anyone. If it is possible to talk like the world does so as not to appear different and just claim I am a screw-up who just keeps screwing up, then I don’t understand sanctification. I don’t know what it means to be sanctified and to be purged and purified as the Spirit sanctifies me during my time here on earth. I don’t what the Spirit is doing within me besides being a Heavenly Conscience. I just don’t know if we as a church understand the teaching of sanctification anymore.
Forgive me, Jesus, if I sound like a holier-than-thou Christian because You know and I certainly know that I am not holy. I am painfully aware of my shortcomings and how many times I let You down. But I am having trouble coming to grips with some of the things I see and hear within the church. Are we supposed to be separate from the world yet still living in it, or are we supposed to be almost as we were before salvation came with not much distinction from the world?
I know I should be doing more in comforting those who are hungry, in prison, orphaned and beat down in this world but I don’t know how I can ignore what I have seen and heard within the church. I guess I just don’t get it and I need some clarity. The Spirit is within us but is He there as an Agent of change to change us to be more Christ-like and a shoulder to lean on, or is He just a shoulder to lean on whenever life gives us a beat-down. I don’t know anymore.
Please, Lord, and Holy Spirit, open my eyes to what I should see and what I should understand, and how to know what to care about and what to not let bother me. Sanctify me and teach me what sanctification means.