It is so difficult to restrain oneself when in pain. Pain is so real. Pain is so upfront. Pain is almost seems palpable. Pain becomes a shroud. Pain becomes a kaleidoscope where everything is distorted through the lens of the pain. All that we see when we look at the person who is the cause of the pain is negative. When in pain, you don’t care about what explanation the cause of your pain provides. All you care about is that that person is the cause of my pain and I want to hurt that person like they are hurting me.
Patience goes by the wayside. What has been decided by the person in pain about the course of events is what is real to that person. It does not matter how many times the other person explains to them the sequence of events, the only thing that matters is that the person hurt knows “this is how it happened and when it happened, and my mind cannot be changed. You need to figure out how to stop the pain and repair the damage and restore the relationship.” Nothing can be done except to be patient.
What happens is that selfishness and a pride that has been hurt overcomes everything else. Rational thought becomes illusive and spiteful words are common. Comments made during the course of a conversation have a double meaning, the second meaning applied to the issue between you. It makes it difficult for the one who caused the pain to not retaliate and use hurtful language. But it must not happen, as much as you want to do it and as much as the other wants to be able lash out with full fury, words spoken are words that cannot be unspoken. They are out there, fiery darts aimed at the kinks in the armor, meant to destroy.
This is when the Paul’s urging needs to be remembered. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church, and wives are to be submissive to their husbands. In a society that teaches that we must avenge any hurt and lash out at those who hurt us it is difficult. Our society teaches to act out in anger, among other emotions. But restraining the tongue and allowing wounds to heal is a much more Godly way to handle the situation. It is difficult because we want results and we want them sooner than later, but a more thorough healing occurs through patience, persistence and prayer.